The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also, beer. Big fan.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
