i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
