You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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