At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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