dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
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We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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