either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
