it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
