Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
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We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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