There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
