the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
