I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My penis needs a shock collar
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
