I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
