do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
