how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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