Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
