I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
