so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
