In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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