Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
