so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
