there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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