he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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