my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
