How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
