I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
