dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
we should paint friendship bongs
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
