Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Randomize
