that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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