I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
