I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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