Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
