WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
