I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think pants incapable of making pants work
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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