u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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