Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
