U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
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Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
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It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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