I have demons in me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight