he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.