when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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