So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
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She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
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It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.