nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
