And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize