Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
