Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
well you can't waste a boner
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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