wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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