Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
