Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
