He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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