Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
