I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
