True but thats because hes a fetus.
Fuck appropriateness.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
