I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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