Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize