ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
