dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
