I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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