while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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