Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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