we're blogging at a bar
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
