I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
