I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
