Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
