My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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