PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
