You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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