We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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