this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We don't watch enough power rangers
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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