hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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