Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
