You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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