This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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