Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
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Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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