you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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