Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize
