Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
