Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
