5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
