Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
