If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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