omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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