Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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