We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
