All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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