She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
