I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Randomize
