I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
